


A prime real estate purrdicament

by ramblingAnthropologist



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Also ft. the Shepard extended family, And so is Shepard, M/M, Pining, Pre-Relationship, The cat is on to him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-10-04 10:02:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20469203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ramblingAnthropologist/pseuds/ramblingAnthropologist
Summary: Garrus Vakarian has been through some weird shit in his life, but this probably tops the chart. It's a 2 pound cat in his commander's lap, why is he so freaking annoyed?You know why, Garrus. You know why.  (Pre relationship ME2)





	A prime real estate purrdicament

**Author's Note:**

> Don't you love it when your Shepards hang out with their family? This marks Kelly and Spectre's second intro, and a brief cameo of my Shepard's older sister, Anora. And if you look at the names you will know I have a terrible sense of humor when it comes to their dead parents' names. 
> 
> Anyway, this is my apology for M+P taking so long. Enjoy!
> 
> Edit: I changed the rating. The whole biting thing seemed to me to be something somebody under 13 shouldn't read. Better safe than sorry.

Yep. He was in hell alright.

“Hold still, Uncle Al!”

“Sorry, is this easier?”

Garrus felt something in him twitch as he sat there on the couch watching the scene before him. When Shepard had asked him to come help him with something, he should have been suspicious when he requested no armor or weapons as part of the mission.. He had been expecting some sort of intel gathering ,maybe a stakeout. Reality was worse – apparently, babysitting a ten year old human required turian interference in the matter.

Well... she was cute so he could maybe see why. Baby blues were dangerous like that.

His commander, his... well, he didn't really know what to call Shepard at that point besides, well, Shepard. Whatever he was, the human was currently seated on the floor in front of his niece, a small human girl who clearly had no qualms about entering people's personal space like she owned the place. She was in the midst of pulling – no, the translation on his visor clearly said braiding – her uncle's hair, which he didn't seem to mind much. All the while, she was talking a mile a minute about school. In a weird way, she reminded him of his little sister,except she had more fingers and talked faster.

“Is Spectre bothering you, Uncle Al?”

“No, she's fine. She settled in a few minutes ago.”

Yes... the damn cat had indeed settled in while Shepard was sitting there on the floor, listening to his niece. She had secured a rather... comfortable vantage point in the space created by her namesake's folded legs. With her head against the human's knee, Garrus could hear her vibrating from his space on the couch some yards away.

She was mocking him. She had to be.

He shot her a glare at he watched to make sure she wasn't watching him. “Are cats supposed to make that sound?”

“It's called purring, Mr. Vakarian.” The niece – Kelly – hadn't spoken much to him, probably because he didn't have hair to braid. In her book, that was probably some great tragedy. Garrus was good on that front. ”Cats make that sound when they're happy.”

Of course she was happy... anyone wold have been happy to be in Shepard's lap.

He struggled to find the words to cover for the ridiculous sensation bubbling up in his gut. “Oh. It sounded like a threat display to me.”

“Huh, really? Dad said he liked the sound.” Kelly didn't even pause as she reached for a bright pink elastic band to finish the braid. Garrus didn't know much about fashion, but even he might question pink and red. Then again, the shoes by the door were neon green and blue, so it wasn't like Shepard cared much about matching colors either. “You're weird, Mr. Vakarian.”

…

Somehow, that was worse than any insult hurled at him by a violent merc trying to kill him. No wonder Shepard had asked him to tag along.

“Remember your manners, Kelly.” Shepard didn't sound annoyed, though. In fact, he was smiling as she inserted a matching clip into the hair that hung at the sides of his face. “We don't tell turians are weird-”

“To their face. I know, Uncle Al. It's bad for inter-species relations.” She beamed once she was finished. “All done! Though you might have problems getting up because of Spectre.”

Yes, the damn cat had fallen asleep there. Garrus grumbled to himself as he shot it another glare, trying to will it to leave. Honestly, he didn't know why this was annoying him so much – it was a damn cat. It wasn't sentient. He wasn't competing with it for anything...

Anything but a spot in Shepard's lap, that is.

Yes... he had to admit it. He was jealous of a ball of fur. Even he could see how ridiculous that was. But it just looked so damn comfortable laying there, making that weird sound of contentment. It was like the man's lap was made for resting there.

He had to wonder what it would be like to rest his own head there.

The thought made his heart skip a beat. He was lucky the girl's stepfather wasn't there – a fellow turian would have picked up the subvocals he was radiating off instantly. The two humans and damn cat were oblivious to it, which was perhaps his only saving grace. To them, he was just sitting there glaring at a ball of fur that had the gall to take up some of the galaxy's most prime real estate like it owned the damn place.

Not that... he had much claim to it either, but it was the principle of the matter!

“So, where did you go this time?” Kelly was still sitting, happy as a clam as the humans would put it. Apparently, shellfish could be happy before they were eaten. “See anything cool while you were gone?”

Shepard blanched, and Garrus knew why. Omega wasn't exactly proper discussion topics for the under 18 set, especially if he had to talk about going into the planet's most famous strip club. Even the turian could see why that one was a bad idea, and he barely understood humans some day. He could practically see the human's gears working under that mop of hair as he tried to figure out what to say next.

“Well, uh...”

The front door opened just as he faltered. A human woman stepped in, causing the girl to jump from her seat and make a mad rush to the door. Their duty was over – Anora Shepard-Virius was home at last, just in the nick of time.

Shepard sighed in relief as he closed his eyes. Under his breath, too low for mother and daughter to hear, he muttered “Saved by the older sister.”

He reached down to pet the cat in his lap, but his attention was focused on Garrus. “That would've been a bit awkward, huh?”

“No, I can't imagine why telling a ten year old about Afterlife would be awkward.” Garrus dead-panned in return, eyes fixed on the lump of black fur so clearly enjoying the attention. Her purring was almost maddening, like a bomb about to go off. How did humans enjoy it?

The arrival of Shepard's sister should have been sign for them to get back to the Normandy, but the man made no attempt to move. Instead, he glanced down at the kitten snuggled up against his knee, and he almost looked sad as he patted her on the head. The gesture was so light, so tender, that it made Garrus' insides positively ache with jealousy. Why was that damn cat so lucky?

“You gotta get up, Spectre. Your mom's home.”

The kitten meowed, and eventually had to be pried gently from Shepard's lap to be placed on the couch. She kept sleeping even as the pair made their exit, stopped only by hugs and promises to return as soon as they could with cool stories.

Probably ones that... didn't involve strip clubs, if the look Anora gave her brother was anything to go by.

Garrus was able to breathe a sigh of relief as they stepped out onto the street and started back towards the Normandy. He glanced over briefly at his commander – the human was still wearing the bright pink clip.

“You know, you can probably take that out now.”

“I like it, and it keeps my hair out of my face.” Shepard's tone was matter of fact as they kept walking. “Spectre's getting big, isn't she? She's going to be huge when she's fully grown. Probably won't fit into my lap the next time I see her.”

Good.

The turian shrugged his shoulders in an attempt to play it cool. “Probably for the best. She had you trapped there with those claws. Seems a bit dangerous for a pet.”

He kept walking, eyes on the horizon as he felt his insides squirm. This was stupid. All of it was stupid – he was fighting with a cat, for spirit's sake! Maybe that was the worst part of all – he might have been losing to a 2 pound ball of fluff.

Compared to that and taking another rocket to the face... fire when ready.

Probably thanks to his mood, Garrus hadn't noticed that he was alone. It was only when he noticed the lack of shadow that he turned to see Shepard a few paces back, odd look plastered all over his face. It was a look the turian had seen before, though it was usually when he had some interesting piece of tech he was trying to take apart with those deft fingers.

Oh, did he wonder what else the man could handle well with those hands...

Still. Garrus played it cool. “Problem, Shepard?”

“If I didn't know better, I'd say you were sulking.”

Shepard kept walking, going straight past the turian doing his best to keep a neutral face as his entire body threatened to vibrate out of existence thanks to sheer embarrassment. The human's tone had been light, but his eyes said it all.

He knew. The bastard knew.

“I'm not sulking.” Garrus could practically hear the tone in his voice as he followed behind his commander. “I'm just saying, they seem sharp.”

“So do your teeth but I probably wouldn't mind those either.”

…

Wait. That had to be a translation error.

Garrus tapped his visor frantically with one talon, refreshing his communicator and kicking in the transcript he had installed months ago. Shepard's words read out on screen – the tone suggested he was... suggesting something.

Like the turian's teeth in him.

That time, his mandibles fluttered as he sputtered out, “Excuse me?”

The man stopped to look over his shoulder, blue eyes glinting in the light. “You heard me, Vakarian.”

He started walking again. “Now, come on. Let's get back to the Normandy before Joker leaves us behind.”

… Now, Garrus wasn't totally clear on Alliance or Cerberus regulations, but they probably couldn't leave without the commanding officer. Of course, his brain was a thousand light years away as he fell meekly in step behind the human. The transcript was still on screen, flashing possible cues to what the man had meant.

It was either violent or sexual – that was the general consensus. And he knew Shepard well enough to know he wasn't big on the former. That left the latter and... a lot of things unsaid between them as they kept walking.

Shit. He was going to become that stereotypical turian who fell for his commanding officer, wasn't he? Well, wasn't that just great? And suddenly, Garrus was jealous of that damn cat for a whole other reason as he wallowed in his own misery.

Damn things were lucky they didn't get crushes. Maybe that was the good part about not being sentient.


End file.
